A Peak Inside : The day our lives changed forever (Part 2)

.....continuation from Part (if you haven't read Part 1 yet, you can find it here.....

*Note* - I delivered Tommy at a Women's Center attached to a hospital. Although this hospital had an emergency room, it did not include a children's section and if anything happened, they couldn't help Tommy there (the Women's Center failed to inform us of this during our tour).

Friday April 26, 2013
After a very sleepless night wondering how Tommy was doing in the nursery, Tommy's doctor finally came in to speak with us. I remember him telling Tom and I that around 2am, Tommy was so sick that they considered transporting him out to Children's Hospital. WHAT?? What happened when I fell asleep? I assumed he was being kept in the nursery to be observed for something minor. I was so scared for my son and what he was going through. They said he had progressively gotten better throughout the morning but he'd need to remain in the nursery for observations. The doctor also told us that they were running tests on Tommy and at this time, all he knew was that Tommy had Group B Strep (I am a carrier and he got this from me), but that wasn't the "main" issue. Tom was able to visit Tommy anytime he wanted to (which he did almost every hour); however, family was not allowed in the nursery. Tom's mom and brother would only be able to see Tommy through the glass.

As the day went on, the nurses told me that I could visit Tommy if I wanted to. It had been several hours since the one and only time I got to hold him and I was super excited to see him again. First, I'd have to get out of bed....oh man! This was more of a task than I anticipated. They had me start slow and I moved from the bed to a nearby chair to eat lunch. Tom and I had brought a birthday cake and some sparkling cider with us the previous night and we decided now would be a great time to celebrate Tommy's birthday.

Celebrating Tommy's birthday with sparkling champagne and chocolate cake.

After lunch, I decided I wanted to see my baby. After a very slow and painful walk, I finally made it to the nursery. Tom had somewhat prepared me for what I'd see, as he'd been visiting Tommy throughout the day. Even though I knew what I was walking into, I still completely broke down when I saw my baby. He had numerous wires running around his body and there was the sound of machines echoing in the large room. Tommy was the only baby in the nursery and at that moment, I felt guilty that he felt abandoned or lonely. Mommy and daddy weren't there to comfort him throughout the night and the only sounds he had to listen to were those sounds of the oxygen being pumped into his nose and the beeping of the machine monitoring his heartbeat/breathing. The hardest part was when the nurses told us that we couldn't hold him. The one thing I was looking forward to was having my baby listen to my heartbeat as he laid against my chest as a way to know he was safe and I wasn't even allowed to do that? Because he was so sick by this point and they were still trying to figure out through tests what was wrong, we were not allowed to hold him. This broke.my.heart!! All I could do was hold my baby's hand and talk to him, reassuring him that mommy and daddy were here, we loved him so much and everything will be ok.

Less than 24 hours old

After staying in the nursery for about 30 minutes, I had to return to my room (remember that MAJOR surgery thing??). I was sad that Tommy couldn't come with me but glad that he was just right down the hall if I needed him. One of the things I was looking forward to the most was nursing Tommy, but I wasn't even able to do that. Tom and I went about our day the best we could. All I could do was cry over and over again. This was the first time in 5 years that I had seen my husband break down. I was so glad that we were able to be there for each other during the most difficult time in our lives. Every time my phone would beep from a text message or ring with a phone call, I didn't have the strength to respond. I would look and "ignore" as I didn't know how to talk with anyone about what I was feeling and going through.

Later that afternoon, my doctor had come to visit me and see how I was doing. By this point we had heard that Tommy's condition was getting worse and Tom went to go and visit him again in the nursery. The next thing she said was something that will be forever grained into my head. "They are probably going to have to transport your son to Children's Hospital in Miami." CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL?? MIAMI?? Miami was 3 hours away. I can't stand being down the hallway from my baby and now he may go to Miami? The worst part was, when I asked if I could go with him she put her head down and said no. Again, I broke down. This was horrible news. I just want my baby to be ok. My doctor comforted me as I attempted to process what she was telling me. I never imagined anything would happen to my child. I had a healthy pregnancy and just couldn't understand.

When Tom returned from the nursery, I told him what my doctor had said. We were both so emotional over the whole thing and only had each other at that moment. Shortly after my doctor spoke to me about the "possibility" of Tommy being transported, Tommy's doctor came in to talk with us. He was leaving for the day and wanted to give us an update of Tommy's condition and told us he was passing on everything to the other doctor who would be on duty. The rest of the afternoon consisted of a lot of crying and praying. When nightfall came, Tom and I went to the nursery again. We spoke with the on call doctor at this time and it wasn't looking too good. He told us that some of Tommy's blood tests came back & he needed to be transported to a Children's Hospital. Tom and I were so shocked & all I could do was cry knowing that I wouldn't be there with him. We asked his doctor a few questions and he told us, "If this was my child, I wouldn't hesitate." This doctor is a professional and we were trusting him with this decision. I remember standing there and asking/begging the nurse if I could hold him one more time and, after looking around to see who was in there, she didn't say a word and just started moving his wires to pick him up. She had 2 rocking chairs for Tom and I and when she placed Tommy in my arms, all I could do was hold him close and cry. I gave him a million kisses and was telling him "mommy's here" hoping that he would find comfort in that. After about 45 minutes of Tom and I holding Tommy, we were told that the ambulance was on its way and that we would need to leave so they can get him ready and load him into the ambulance. I asked the doctor/nurse if I'd be able to see him once he was loaded up and they assured me they would stop by the room before leaving.

For the next hour and a half I was wondering what they were doing with Tommy to "prep" him. FINALLY, they wheeled him into my room. I was so shocked (although now it makes sense) that they had him in an incubator that I completely broke down again. The nurses were talking with us and having me sign a bunch of forms but all of what they said was a blur, as I was just staring at Tommy. At one point they put the door of the incubator down so I could hold Tommy's hand and he took the binky that was in his mouth and threw it, landing on my bed. It was that moment that Tom and I knew Tommy was strong enough to get through this.

Holding Tommy before he was transported.

We were notified around 11pm that Tommy made it safely to the Children's Hospital and, thankfully, it was in Fort Myers, not Miami. This meant that Tommy was only about an hour from us and not 3. We found out that it all depended on where there was an opening and God was definitely on our side by placing him closer to Tom and I.

Saturday April 27, 2013

Tom stayed with me that night and the next morning before heading to the house to let our dogs out (yep, I guess that's what happens when you don't really know anyone). While he was gone, I decided to take a shower (thank goodness) with help from the nurse. The doctor on duty came in and told me that if I wanted to be discharged today to go and be with my son then she would discharge me. I was SUPER excited! I called Tom right away to let him know we could go see Tommy. It took a few hours before we actually left the hospital because I was in a lot of pain and needed to rest a bit but once we left, we couldn't get to Fort Myers quick enough.

Once arriving at Children's, we headed for the NICU. After washing our hands for 3 minutes (I will always remember that sink with the foot pedal and the strong smell of the soap), we FINALLY got to see Tommy again. He was in a crib again (out of the incubator, although a few days later he would be placed in an incubator again) but still had all of the wires hooked up to him. He was still very critical and was being kept in the level 3 nursery while they still tried to determine what was wrong. I will never forget his nurse Lilly. She was amazing, so compassionate towards Tom and I and really seemed to care for Tommy. She called him her "big guy" since he was the biggest baby in there (most were in there because they were premature). We continually asked Lilly a million and one questions but she was unable to give us much information only that he was ok right now.

Over the course of the next 12 days (the amount of time that Tommy was in the NICU), everything is quite a blur to me. Maybe because my mind has since blocked out the things I don't want to remember or simply because a lot happened, I just don't remember much. I do remember that both Tom and I's family didn't waste any time in jumping in their cars and on an airplane to be by our sides. This was something we will forever be grateful for. There is nothing like the love, prayers and support from your family. I also remember the moment Tommy's NICU doctor told us that if he hadn't been transported when he was, he wouldn't have made it. My baby was that close to dying which breaks my heart. We knew he was a fighter but God definitely heard everyone's prayers and Tom and I couldn't be more thankful!! The final answer - Tommy had E-COLI. YES, e-coli...what typically kills adults my innocent baby boy had. How did he catch e-coli? We're still trying to determine that but what we do know is that, although Tommy has to have a few more hospital visits than a normal baby (checking to make sure all the antibiotics he was on in the NICU didn't cause any long term affects), he is a HEALTHY baby boy. OUR healthy baby boy and I couldn't be anymore in love with him!!